IT IS WHAT IT IS

If I never hear this expression again in my life, it will be way too soon.

I don't know if it's because I didn't notice it before now or if it is suddenly taking the nation by storm, but before 3 months ago, I don't think I could tell you that I had heard this 5 word expression. However, in the last 3 months, I have been inundated by it in my personal life, at work...where ever I happen to be, someone is throwing it at me.

I know that it is an expression that is supposed to be comforting (I think), but it illicits the most violent reaction within me every time I hear it.

Maybe it's a personal problem that I must come to terms with. Maybe it's one of those - "the truth hurts" things, I'm not sure.

Maybe this expression just bites ASS!

I am reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's almost eerie how much her situation in the book mirrors my life right now. I only wish I had a year to take off, travel and get my life together...

Turkey France

I had a date last night. I went to meet a guy who my friend Brad calls Turkey France. (He's from Turkey, but went to college in France and lived with family there) We had coffee about a week ago, which was our first meeting. We have been communicating via email and on the phone a few times. He is an engineer and seemingly a nice guy, maybe a little nervous sometimes. He has that engineer personality...he's very detail oriented.

Anyway, we were to meet for dinner last night at La Calaca Comelona at 6:00, my pick. He had suggested Acapulco's Restaurant near Mall 205, but I pulled out the Mexican card and suggested we go to a place that was more authentic. He said, "No problem". I was headed over to the restaurant from the office and was running a few minutes late. I know that is hard to believe. I called him when I was crossing the Ross Island bridge at 6:05. He answered and said it was fine because he was circling the restaurant trying to find parking. He said he had been there for 15 to 20 minutes and that he couldn't find anywhere to park! He sounded frustrated and/or stressed out. La Calaca Comelona is on SE 23rd and Belmont. It should never take more than 2 minutes to find parking there, so I was a little surprised. He asked how long I would be, maybe 10 or 15 minutes? I said it should take me about 5 to 10 minutes. We hung up and said we would see each other there. I was a bit put off by his stressed voice and what he was stressing about, so AFTER I hung up the phone, I said out loud, "Oh yeah, this is going to be a complete waste of time."

I got to the restaurant, found parking, and headed in. I waited. I ordered a drink, a chay caan, a wonderful invention made of gin, lime juice, mint and avocado blended with ice. It's like a wonderful creamy smoothy. I waited. I talked with Orlando, the bartender, whom I met when he was just a kid when I used to work with his mother at Migrant Head Start 15 years ago. I ordered an appetizer. I watched the door. I waited. I called Turkey France. It went to voice mail. I ordered another drink and said fuck it, I'm hungry. I ordered dinner. I ate my dinner which was delicious. I called Turkey France again and left him a message as I left. "I don't know what happened to you. I guess we missed each other. I had a wonderful dinner anyway. Goodbye." I haven't heard a word from him. WTF?!?!?

My guesses are as follows:

1. He heard me say, "Oh yeah, this is going to be a complete waste of time," and decided to take off? (I swear I heard a click BEFORE I said that.)
2. He was irritated I was running late and decided to take off? (In that case - good riddance, I am notoriously tardy.)
3. He got frustrated trying to find parking and left?
4. He's a complete looney toon and likes to mess with people?
5. He got kidnapped and is being held hostage somewhere?
6. ??????????

As I got in my car and headed home, I was listening to Jamie Cullum. The song that was playing was his version of Lover, You Should've Come Over. I'm broken down and hungry for your love, with no way to feed it...

This is when I realize, I clearly am my own worst enemy.

So long Turkey France.

I saw my cousin and her husband recently. They were telling me that they think I look really good right now. I have been exercising daily and have lost some weight. I told them that I have been getting many compliments lately and how ironic it is that right now, I look the best I have since college on the outside, but that on the inside I feel the worse than ever.

"No one sees the inside anyway," responded my cousin's husband helpfully.

Laughter is good medicine.

Pat Robertson is backing Rudy Giuliani?!?

I bet Jesus is turning over in his grave. Oh, that's right, he's resurrected...then he must be looking over at God and rolling his eyes.

If Giuliani can be forgiven his trespasses by the religious right, maybe there's hope for me yet.

So, our company is disbanding it's partnership and will shortly cease to exist.

I am currently in discussions with a couple of different companies before I decide where we are going to land. I think the overhead here in this office was killing us as a whole and we were two teams short and another team that wasn't producing was just too much financial burden for the two primary partners. They didn't want to suck up the costs any longer.

In this market with so many companies going under, I am finding some good options out there for us to set up camp. The good thing is that as far as generating business, we are really busy and that is the most important thing. As long as that continues, I am not worried about where to hang my hat. This whole shake up may actually put us in a better position in the end.

It has been pretty fun around the office though. There is all of this talk going on in the hallways - Where are you guys going? - What is so-and-so doing? Are they moving stuff out of their office? Each team is going to do their own thing, although it's possible that three of us may end up together. It's an exciting drama that continues to unfold each day.

Actually, I am grateful for the distraction.

I am listening to:

"Paralyzer" Finger Eleven
"Best of Me" Chrisette Michele
"Stronger" Kanye West (yes, it's true)

Joaquin came into the kitchen wearing a t-shirt inside out and he said "Mom, what's the name of that place you take all of our old clothes to?" "Goodwill? Why?" I responded. "I need you to take this shirt there. It's a Ducks t-shirt." For some reason, he has decided he is a Beavers fan and has to put the Ducks shirt on inside out to even be able to wear it.

Apparently, he is not following their season, or is immune to the hype.

I watched "Crazy Love" this weekend. It's a documentary about a couple that made the headlines first in the late 50's, again in the 70's and then again in the mid 90's due to their bizarre history. It is the most incredible and unbelievable story. I was stunned. I have to say that fact IS stranger than fiction. If it hadn't really happened, I would NEVER have believed it.

"You shouldn't be with someone who is reckless with your heart."

I was reminded last night by a friend that I had told her this in 2001. She says she still carries this with her. I remembered the discussion, but not the specifics. It's so easy to dispense advice.